


Severus Snape's Last Journal Entry

by Sev1970 (mk_malfoy)



Category: Harry Potter - Rowling
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-09-01
Updated: 2006-09-01
Packaged: 2017-10-07 10:01:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 958
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/64039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mk_malfoy/pseuds/Sev1970
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Severus writes one final entry in his journal.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Severus Snape's Last Journal Entry

**Ttle**: Severus Snape's Last Journal Entry  
**Author**: [](http://sev1970.livejournal.com/profile)[**sev1970**](http://sev1970.livejournal.com/)  
****

**Summary**: Severus writes one final entry in his journal.  
**Character**: Severus Snape  
**Rating**: PG-13/R for language  
**Warnings**: language  
**Words**: 867  
**Date Written**: Sept. 01, 2006  
**Disclaimer**: None of this is mine; it all belongs to JK Rowling, Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Inc., Warner Bros. Inc., and any other entities involved.  
**A/N**: The Lexicon says Dumbledore was killed In May of 1997, but when I was calculating it as I read HBP, it was in June. Can anyone tell me which is correct?

Severus Snape's Last Journal Entry

June 1997 -

My first words written in this infernal journal were ones my foolish and idealistic-self thought attainable. How wrong I was. Then it was my fervent hope to gain the respect of one Albus Dumbledore. My lamentable time with He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named forever placed a barrier between the only parental figure in my life and me, and when I began spying for him, it was my hope to gain his favor again. My fifteen years at Hogwarts were so much more than I deserved. I was allowed a leniency only Albus Dumbledore could give. He allowed me to live. His words haunt me to this day.

  
"_Severus, we all make mistakes. I was unable to help Tom, and that has troubled me greatly. You will not be given the chance to go down that same path. I will not refuse your request to teach here. You will see my boy that you do indeed have much to offer."_

  
What a fool you were, Albus. You tried convincing me I was unlike _Voldemort_, yet here I am, on my way to worship at his feet once again. This time, however, there will be no Hogwarts awaiting my return. You will not be anticipating my reports, and you will not be able to convince me once more that this is all worth it.

Until tonight, I believed you; defeating that bastard was worth whatever we had to do. Now I know otherwise. Your death removed any notions of my redemption being achieved. Yes, you begged for me to do this. You pleaded with me to end it, and I did. My hatred of myself is all-consuming. How is it possible I did this to you, Albus? Nothing is worth this…NOTHING, I say. You should be asleep in your bed, and you should be able to wake up and walk down to the Great Hall tomorrow for breakfast. You will not be afforded either of those things. I killed you. I watched as you died. You did ask me to do this, but I was the one who did it, and I did not have to. I would rather you be alive and for me to meet my deserved ending at the hands of my first master. My fate is that which you are suffering. How is it that you, who has never shown me anything other than respect and love, are now dead, and it is by my hands?

I should have let Fenrir or the others kill me, even if it meant Draco's death as well. My priority should have been you, and instead it was Draco. I failed you. You are what we need now. You are what I need now. How is Mister Potter supposed to fulfill the prophecy? He is too young. Even if I did loathe him as much as he and everyone believe I do, I would not allow any harm to come his way.

What do we do now? You are asking me to walk back to him with Draco, and you know what will be the result. Mister Malfoy will not be given any reprieves for his emotional immaturity. He will be killed, and there is nothing to alter that inevitability. How am I to do this? How is it that in the span of two hours I have to watch as two people die, both of which whom would not have died if not for me?

You think I am the answer to it all, do you? Oh, Albus, you would be disappointed in me if you knew my thoughts. You expect that I will be there to help Harry when the time comes. That is it, is it not? Potter will kill me if he sees me. I do deserve that, you know I do. Your hopes regarding me are flawed, as wonderful as they sounded when you thought them. You had it all figured out, you only forgot one thing. I am the last person Harry Potter wants to see, and if you believe that he will suddenly see the truth of it all, you need to cease with those thoughts. He is angry. You are the only person who could have possibly convinced Potter that I am not the horrible person he thinks I am.

Well, Draco is ready to go, so it seems as though this will be my final entry. My fate is to die. I am at peace with this. I have been given fifteen years that I most certainly did not deserve. You were everything a son could ask for in a father, and had our blood been the same, it would not make us any closer. You always promised me you would keep me safe.

You said earlier that my killing you was the only way for you to carry out your promise. I am so sorry, Albus. I have cost you far too much. I will make you proud of me. I will try to help Mister Potter. I will do as you asked. I will sacrifice myself for Harry as you did for me.

Thank you, my friend,

Your loyal Servant for life,  
Severus Snape


End file.
